White Hat Sports Headlines

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Virtual Waiting Room of Hell.

Death Valley, Chernobyl and Hell itself. All considered places you probably do not want to be, for obvious reasons. However, I would suggest that none of those places are quite as bad as the one place I just spent the last 10 hours of my life. Let me explain.

Picture yourself in a room. This room is square, approximately 8' by 8', and is completely bare besides a chair, a digital clock and a sign above said digital clock. The sign reads this:

Welcome to the Boston Red Sox Virtual Waiting Room!


PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT PATRONS ARE SELECTED FROM THIS VIRTUAL WAITING ROOM ON A RANDOM BASIS FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO PURCHASE TICKETS.

We are experiencing very high demand. As a result, all requests for seats cannot be served simultaneously. Please be patient, and your browser will be refreshed in:

The digital clock under the sign does not tell you the time in any time zone. Instead it counts down from 30 seconds to 0 seconds. Each time it hits 0 there is a pause, the entire room goes dark, and for a split second you think that when the light turns on everything will be different. There will be no sign, no clock, no chair, but a ticket window. At this ticket window there is a person with a list of ticket prices and a photo of Fenway Park showing you the different sections you can purchase from. But then the light turns back on, the sign is still there and the clock is at 30 seconds once again.

The worst part of it all is the fact that eventually you may get to that golden moment you have been waiting so long for. It may take 6,7,8,9,10+ hours to get there, but it can be done. The problem is when you get that shining moment it isn't shiny at all. The walls are covered in filth. There is no ticket window, only another clock giving you 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Next to this clock is the Seinfeld soup Nazi. He will inform you the game you wanted is sold out, and the only option left is standing room tickets to the Tampa Bay Rays. If you don't follow the steps he wants he will simply say he is experiencing extremely high purchase rates, and cannot supply your order at this time, please try again. This will potentially even send you back to the waiting room you started in if you cannot convince him to give you your tickets and then give him every detail of your life to purchase them.

Sound like your pot of tea? Well, my friends, welcome to the Virtual Waiting Room of Hell.

We are experiencing very high demand. As a result, all requests for seats cannot be served simultaneously. Please be patient, and your browser will be refreshed in:

~Aaron Jackson

1 comment:

melanie said...

I like this post. It's funny, it's insightful, it's descriptive. I love the soup Nazi -- I also love the Red Sox. It's amazing what fans will go through....I hope it all worked out for you!