White Hat Sports Headlines

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Inaugural Jogging Diary NFC Edition

Much thanks to Bill Simmons for the idea of a running diary. We have our version, the jogging diary. It’s a new fad, has a silent J. Let's get right into it

6:03 PM Getting ready for kickoff with the pre-game show. The analysis of the game went as follows.
Terry Bradshaw "It's cold."
Howie Long "If you left your dog outside in this cold you would get charged with animal cruelty."
Curt Menefee "It is awfully cold."
Jimmy Johnson "I am going to put this water in a cup, let’s see if it freezes."
Curt Menefee "Lets go now to Joe Buck upstairs where it is warmer."
Joe Buck (blows cold air like it is a cigar, looks up)”It's cold."
What would we do without this pre-game analysis?

6:09 PM I still want to know who's idea it was to combine robots and football. It just doesn't make sense. Also, Howie Long is a spokesperson for Chevy, but is sitting in front of a Ford sign. No conflict of interest there.

6:11 PM Fox is now showing a special on Ryan Grant. This is one of those stories that shows you why you watch sports. He came from nowhere to becoming arguably the second most important player on a team closing in on the Superbowl.

6:14 PM In case you were wondering, this pregame is sponsored by Ford. Drive tough.

6:18 PM The webmd.com injury report just showed us that Aaron Ross is probable with a right shoulder. Thank god we have a 3d body to show us where the right shoulder is.

6:19 PM Has Michael Strahans gap between his teeth gotten smaller? Someone needs to compare pictures between now and when he started playing. Actually, scratch that, it’s probably somewhere in the Mitchell Report.

6:22 PM Strahan, Eli, Pam Oliver and Tom Coughlin just confirmed that it is actually cold today. Good thing they investigated this.

6:24 PM Terry Bradshaw is explaining how to throw a football in cold weather. Too bad he forgot he had to talk into the microphone.

6:25 PM. My friend Kalle just sent this along to me online.

"By the way, Green Bay looks like its cold as hell."

I had no idea.

6:29 PM I guess now is as good a time as any to congratulate the Patriots on their victory. Half of the game of destiny is now complete.

6:32 PM Frank Caliendo doing an impersonation of Andy Rooney. If you haven't seen his recent one hour comedy special you're missing out. Very funny.

6:33 PM Jimmy's water is frozen already. Why, you ask? Because it's cold.

6:36 PM Actual temperature is -1 degrees.

6:37 PM Here's a couple quick close-ups of both Eli and Favre. If you laid money down on Eli winning this game and saw that you probably just broke down in tears. He did not look ready for this game.

6:41 PM Tim Donaghey just tackled the player in the Bud Light commercial. He get's a beer and the team covers the spread. Good to see he's back to work after the whole NBA thing.

6:42 PM Al Harris "It's cold." Thanks Al.

6:43 PM Joe Buck just informed us that Harris's tattoos are brought to you by Rick's Tattoos. I was wondering.

6:44 PM First play of the game ends in a near fist fight because the Giants are celebrating a special team’s tackle. Whatever happened to the ballin' move? This celebration just seemed uncoordinated.

6:46 PM My friend Kalle again.

"Mike McCarthy is a bit too bundled up, whenever a coach is dressed for Antarctica it’s a bad sign."

6:48 PM Favre makes a couple good plays then misses two open receivers in a row to bring up the first punt of the game. If he isn't playing well today it could be a long day for the Pack.

6:51 PM the entire Giant's sideline has black ski masks on. I can't tell if they are playing football or getting ready to rob a bank.

6:59 PM Eli is putting together a good drive without any help from Brandon Jacobs. It might have something to do with the single coverage on Plaxico Burress. If there is one guy on this team that can hurt you it is him.

7:01 PM Lawrence Tynes puts it through to make the score 3-0 Giants in the first. The drive ended on a classic Eli play where he threw it off his back foot right to a defender. On another Manning note, what are the chances that Peyton lost the game against the Chargers last week just so he could get more run for his football season ending MasterCard commercial?

7:05 PM The pregame was brought to you by Ford, but the actual game is brought to you by Toyota. No conflict of interest there either.

7:11 PM Fox showed a preview for the Superbowl halftime show starring Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Someday we will have a good halftime show again. Someday.

7:17 PM Favre right now has his hands more in his warmer pouch than he does not. The cold seems to be bothering him more than Eli at this point.

7:20 PM Apparently we are now back to Ford commercials now. Will the halftime show be by Toyota or by Ford? My money’s on Toyota.

7:25 PM Al Harris and Plaxico are constantly trash talking back and forth. Probably not a good thing for Harris. Plaxico has always been known as a guy that has plenty of talent but needs motivation.

7:31 PM Tynes knocks in the second field goal of the game, making the score 6-0 Giants. Pretty dull game so far. Definitely needs some snow.

7:34 PM Brett Favre to Donald Driver for a 89 yard touchdown connection. Amazing that not a single Giants player didn’t manage to push him out of bounds on the play. 7-6 Packers.

7:37 PM First preview for Prison Break. I have to agree with Tony Kornheiser on this one. How can their be more than one season of this show? They broke out of the prison, yet the show continues. Makes no sense.

7:39 PM My friends girlfriend on Brett Favre. Isn’t he getting kind of old?” Yes, yes he is.

7:44 PM Troy Aikman and Joe Buck just did a stand up in the booth to tell us this important and urgent message. It is cold in the booth, but not as cold as it is outside.

7:49 PM Favre throws a perfect pass between two defenders only to have the ball dropped at the 9. That is what happens when you throw the ball to someone named Ruvell Martin.

7:52 PM Eli is finally starting to look like, well, Eli. It’s about time.

7:59 PM Can we finally just get rid of American Idol? I cannot stand that show. My friend Geoff informs me it is now -2 degrees in Green Bay. Joe Buck follows this by explaining that Iceland is actually green and Greenland is actually icy. Fantastic.

8:02 PM Mason Crosby knocks in a field goal making it 10-6. This leaves a minute and half before the half for Eli to work his magic, meaning throw an interception off his back foot.

8:09 PM Eli ends the half by throwing an in completion, taking a sack, throwing another incompletion, then taking a sack on fourth and 8. Just a fabulous series there. Be back for the second half.

8:19 PM Some notes on the half time show. Terry Bradshaw has still not figured out that in order for us to hear him he has to talk into the mic. You’d think he would know this by now. This is followed by Howie Long attempting to say bump and run coverage, screw it up three times, then have an awkward silence of about 15 seconds. Curt then asks if anyone else has something they would like to say. Terry Bradshaw believes he has something he want’s to say, only the mic is now swinging up in the air as he talks. Jimmy Johnson then gives us the highlights of the Pats game where he refers to Wes Welker as Wes Wiker. Nice work boys.

8:20 PM The halftime show isn’t by Toyota or Ford, but by VISA.

8:24 PM Curt Menefee thinks Terry is cute with his winter hat on. This is important for everyone to know.

8:25 PM Joe Buck proclaims “Look at that Troy, it isn’t as wind chilly now.” The actual temp has gone down to -3 now. Still no snow.

8:29 PM Eli has to call a time out before the play clock runs out. This after he misses a wide open Steve Smith for a sure touchdown. I blame all of this on the Green Bay channels not having any Seinfeld. Clearly this has Eli distraught. What were you thiiiiinkiiing Elllliiiiii? You should have bought the dvvvddsss!!!

8:41 PM Green Bay called for two straight offsides penalties on the one. Seems like they think they see something in the snap count, but can’t quite pick up on it. Meanwhile, Brandon Jacobs just put it in for a touchdown, then thinks about the Lambeau leap. Good choice Brandon. 13-10 Giants now on top.

8:43 PM First Peyton Manning commercial of the day. It’s amazing that we are mid third quarter and that was the first one. Of course, it’s the one where he is talking about being bummed about football season being over. I have decided that I am 35% sure he tanked the Chargers game just to get more air time for that commercial.

8:52 PM Tom Coughlin’s face looks like he just stuck it in a pot of boiling water as Sam Madison gets a personal foul penalty against him. Next play is Brett Favre to a wide open Donald Lee for a touchdown Packers. 17-13 Pack.

9:04 PM Computer froze up twice. Between that and the drive Eli is currently having I think the end of the world may be near. Touchdown Giants, Ahmad Bradshaw runs it in. 20-17 Giants.

9:10 PM Ryan Grant finally showing up to play with a minute to go in the third. No truth to the rumor that he was out looking to book a better Superbowl halftime show.

9:14 PM Classic Favre play. He scrambles left, has nothing open, forces the play and gets it intercepted only to have the Giant’s defender fumble it right into the waiting arms of a Packers offensive lineman. These things only seem to happen to guys like Favre.

9:17 PM Mason Crosby knocks in a field goal. Score is now 20-20 in the fourth. We’ve got ourselves a ball game, and I’ve got carpal tunnel syndrome.

9:21 PM Geoff and I are discussing how hot the girl in the Cadillac ad's are. Kalle's message to me at the same time, without knowing what we are talking about;

"I love these Cadillac ads by the way, that Latin chick is fine as hell."

9:24 PM In case you were wondering her name is Sophia Vergara.

9:28 PM Let’s get Roger Clemens to do the Moment of Truth reality show on Fox.

9:30 PM Troy Aikman just decided that the game right now is a “tie-tie.”

9:37 PM Tynes misses the field goal wide left. This keeps the score 20-20.

9:50 PM Packers punting from their own 10, the Giants receiver fumbles the ball, and about 3 Packers players can’t pick up the fumble so the Giants manage to recover. That could be the game.

9:57 PM The refs just decided to take 3 minutes, discuss the spot of the ball, then allow the Giants to get into formation just to have them blow the whistles on the play so they can review the previous catch. They couldn’t have just originally killed two birds with one stone here? Sometimes you wonder what goes on in their heads.

10:00 PM Giants now in field goal range. Remember Tynes just missed one not to long ago. Should be interesting.

10:02 PM Exchange between Geoff and I directly before the kick.

Me. “He’s going to miss this.”

Geoff. “Yep.”

10:03 PM Tynes kicks it wide left. I’ve got overtime for my first jogging Diary.

10:05 PM My esteemed colleague Sterling Pingree, who did the first jogging diary, tells me I have just the second overtime game in division title game history.

10:07 PM Remember, earlier this year the Packers went to overtime against the Broncos and scored on one of the first plays. Wouldn’t surprise me to see the same thing happen here.

10:10 PM Favre throws the pick right to the Giants defender. I wonder what happens if Tynes needs to kick a field goal here. His confidence has to be completely shot at this point. Personally I have more confidence in Isiah Thomas making a good trade for the Knicks.

10:12 PM Tynes nails it. No one will remember the two misses anymore; it’s all about the one made one.

10:14 PM Great game for the Giants, who would’ve thought we would see a rematch of the week 17 match up for the Superbowl. Everyone that second-guessed Tom Coughlin about that game is looking pretty dumb now. I'm looking at you Skip Bayless.

-Aaron Jackson

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